Two Homunculi in a Kitchen
by Gaara's Desert Rose-Hasame
Summary: [One shot]he heh...ok, this is funny. It's with Greed and Hasame.me rated T for language.


hello everyone. Once again, this is written very late at night...all my stories are and that's why most of them suck. Or not my best. But I always seem to think better at night, and I can use the 10 hours however I want. Been pulling alotta all-nighters. I suppose I am an Insomniac. I dont care. not a horrible thing. This is a new one. It's with Hasame and Greed. Im just going to refer myself in the third person cuz it seems weird when i say "me". So im just going to say Hasame, even thuigh Hasame is my name.

So, this is what happenes when two Homunculi are left to their own accord. Quite strange.

Two Homunculi in a kitchen

Hasame was splayed out on the kitchen floor, her hair spread out around her head like a red fan. She had been laying there for almost an hour, having nothing else to do. Lust and Gluttony were out somewhere, and Pride was at the military. Wrath, she just didn't want to play with. Her knee length black skirt tickled her right knee. She sat up, scratched it quickly, then fell to the floor again.

"What the hell are you doing?" said a male voice, slightly annoyed. Hasame tilted her head back, not having much success, because the floor was blocking its movement. She looked up as far as she could and could just see Greed's vest and above. He bent over her, his glasses sliding down his nose.

"I'm mowing the lawn. What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" snapped Hasame, frowning.

"You know, you're not being very nice." he said sneering at her.

"Bite me. I don't feel like being nice." she said and stopped straining her neck, to stare up at the ceiling, but Greed's face was blocking her view.

"You're in the way." she said monotonely. Greed raised an eyebrow.

"I am? Am I ruining the excellent view of the white ceiling? My pardon, I suppose I should get out of the way, shouldn't I?" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Go to your son of a bitch club, Greed. You're annoying me."

"You're sounding more and more like Envy everyday, you know that? You spend too much time around him." Greed said, standing up straight and walking around Hasame's body. He gently kicked her foot with his boot.

"Stop it." she said.

"You know, you should really wear shoes." he commented, staring at her bare feet. Hasame raised her head a bit to look at Greed over her chest.

"And why should I?" She asked, scowling.

"'Cause every normal person here does." pointed out the male, shrugging his shoulders.

"Who says I'm normal?" Hasame mumbled and looked back at the oh so interesting ceiling.

"But your also the second youngest here." Greed noted, pointing at the bored girl.

"So?"

"I'm just saying..."

"You're just saying what? I dare you..." growled Hasame, glaring up at the roof

"Geez, you're pissed about something. Do you always act like this?" the black haired male mumbled and pulled up a chair and sat near Hasame.

"You're disturbing my fun time." Hasame grumbled.

"Fun time? Oh, so this is fun time. I'm having a lotta fun, are you? I can't imagine what boring time is." Greed said sarcastically.

"You really wanna have boring time? I can help you there...just make one more comment and I can take you to an everlasting boring time..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I dunno..I can't think striaght. Go...go do something useful."

"And what would that be?"

"Get me a coke...something to drink." commanded Hasame, pointing at the fridge, still staring up at the white ceiling.

"Get yourself one or whatever."

Greed stood up and opened the fridge door. All there was to drink was beer and vodka. Greed glanced over at the girl on the floor, staring blandly at the roof.

"Do..you want it in a glass?" he asked slyly.

"Don't care. Just want a drink." she answered.

Greed grabbed a non-transparent glass and poured in a can of beer, and stuck a straw in it. He grabbed the bottle of vodka for himself.

Bringing over the drinks, he set down the glass beside Hasame's head. She looked sideways at it.

"Oh, why, thank you dear Greed. You even put a swirly straw in it. It looks very pretty." Hasame said sarcastically, putting her lips around the straw end and gulped down a huge amount of the liquid. Her eyes bulged and she spat out the liquid.

"What the hell is this?" she said astonished.

Greed just shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe a new brand?"

Hasame glared at the glass.

"I don't care, as long as it's wet and cool." she took another gulp, and scrunched up her face.

"this is the weirdest coke I've ever tasted." she commented.

"Just drink the damn thing." Commanded Greed, taking a long drink from his bottle.

Hasame frowned.

"I'm not thirsty right now. What are you doing here anyway?" she asked.

"I live here, remember, girl?" he said, licking his lips.

"I know, you shit. I mean why are you here, in the kitchen." she retorted.

"I don't know. And don't you think you should have better language, being how yo-"

"I can talk however I want, bastard." Snapped Hasame.

"I don't have any parents to scold me or whatever they do."

"Fine." Greed took another gulp from his drink.

Hasame looked at her drink and sucked at the straw.

They were silent for a while. Hasame had half finished her glass and was feeling a bit dizzy.

"How'd you die?" Greed suddenly asked.

"...Uh...Think it was a car accident. Damn bastard hit me."

"What car was it?"

"I think it was a Toyota Supra, the real nice ones, ya know?"

"Oh, I like those ones. How about those Elements, or the Saturns."

"Nah, Hummer's are the best. They're big."

"No way, the Corvette '61 are classy, way better than big ones."

"So? I think Corvettes are like oldies. And should stay old."

"You think you know everything just cause your young."

"Oh, you'd better watch it. I'll poke your eyes out with a spork." Hasame warned, taking another sip at her drink.

"A spork?" Greed stared at her

"Yeah, idiot, a spork. Half spoon, half fork. Spork." Hasame explained simply.

"Why don't they make a half spoon, half knife, or half fork half knife?" wondered Greed, drinking the vodka.

"A knorf? Fife? Spife? Knoon? No, those all sound weird."

"Yeah, but so does spork."

"Does not. Spork is now in the dictionary."

"It is?"

"I think so...can't remember the last time I checked..." Hasame nearly finished her 'coke' and was about to sit up.

She swayed side to side and fell back against the floor again.

"Whoa...that hurt." she said, slurring her words slightly.

Greed just smirked and continued to drink his vodka.

"Ever wonder how Gluttony got so freakin fat?" Hasame said out of the blue.

"No."

Hasame scowled at him.

"Well, you should!" Hasame ordered angrily. She tried again to get up, and her head spun. Putting her fingerless gloved hand to her head, she got up slowly, and swayed.

"Jesus, I was laying down too long." She walked slowly over to the fridge, and hit the wall.

"Fuck."

The red head nearly fell over a chair, then made her way to the living room. Three times, she tripped over things on the floor, for example, multiple items Wrath had brought in from the forest, a couple of hair brushes, one of Pride's many eyepatches and for some reason, an umbrella.

"Why the hell are there so many things here? Nane?" whined Hasame.

"Oi, Greed. You should really get a different kind of sunglasses. Those are getting pretty old."

Greed took off his sunglasses and stared at them.

"Get them gigantic ones that like, cover half your friggin' face. Some Paris woman wears 'em alot." suggested Hasame drunkenly.

"She's like...a bitch...and her poor puppy has to be with her every fuckin where." Hasame rambled on and on, while Greed was busy studying his glasses.

"And...and...wonder who ever decided pink would be a girl colour and blue would be a guy colour? Pink is for sissies...and...blue is like...way awesome!" she began to giggle insanely and walked back to the kitchen, falling on the floor again.

"You're drunk. You know that?" Greed looked down at the girl.

Hasame looked at him. Silence.

"Wha-?"

Greed sighed and put his hand on his face.

"Nah...I'm just waiting for...for...what was I waiting for again?"

"Your stupid."

"And you're stupid for giving me beer instead of fuckin coke. Which is gross and I dunno why I asked for it in the first place."

Greed stared at her.

"How'd you know?"

Hasame stared at him.

" I didn't."

Silence. Hasame was laid out on the hard floor on her stomach.

'She gets drunk after not even a full can of alcohol?' Greed thought amazed.

"Ehe heh heh! I can read your thoughts!" Hasame giggled again and grinned foolishly at Greed.

"What?"

"Your thinking about...cows."

Greed just looked blankly at the girl laying on the floor in front of him.

"Yes...I'm thinking about cows..." He shook his head, frowning at Hasame.

"Geh heh heh..I knew it! You like cows! I don't. I mean, I do, but I don't." rambled on the red head, and began playing with her hair.

"I'm gonna get a dog someday. Maybe I should steal Black Hayate, he's a good doggie. And I would shake him like a pappa shaka!" Hasame said, getting up quickly, grabbed a teddy bear that was lying on a nearby coutner (who knows why) and held it out at arms length, began shaking it up and down and twirled around with it. Pretty much pulled a Roy with Black Hayate as a puppy.

"And he'd go, I like my puppies shaken, not stirred" and she began laughing at her own joke. (she looks exaclty like what Roy was doing, holding Black Hayate in one hand and having both arms out)

"Oh for god's sake, will you shut the fuck up already!" Thundered Greed, seriously regretting giving her alcohol.

"Hey! You shuddup! Black Hayate hates you! Why don't YOU shut the fuck up, eh!" she flung the teddy bear at Greed and it bounced off his chest.

"_Uh huh, this my shit, all the girls stomp youre feet like this. Few times I've been around that track so stuff is gonna happen like that, 'cause I ain't no hollaback giiirl, I ain't now hollaback girl. Ooooh this my shit, this my shit. Ooooh this my shit, this my shit. I heard that you were talking shit and you didn't think that I would hear it. People hear you talkin' like that, gettin' everybody fired up."_

Hasame began singing the horrid song, while shaking her whole body around.

Envy ran into the kitchen just at that moment.

"What the fuck is going on?" he yelled and stared at Hasame, then Greed. The black haired male just pointed at Hasame, then at the nearly empty glass of beer. Envy sniffed it.

"WTF! Greed!" he roared at the man, and threw the glass at him, the glass shattering as soon as it hit his diamond hard skin.

"What the HELL were you thinking! You KNOW your not supposed to give her goddamn alcohol! She's only 14 or something!" Envy began yelling at Greed, who cowered under the green haired male's fury.

"Envy! You're here!" Hasame stopped singing and ran over at him and hugged the sin from behind.

"Greed came here and gave me a drink, then we talked about cars, and sporks and some Paris girl, and how come Gluttony is freakin' fat and I want a puppy!" she said all this very fast and in one breath. The girl let go of Envy and was going to do a cartwheel, but fell in mid turn and didn't get up. Both males waited. She was asleep.

"How much did she have?" Envy asked, staring at the unconscious girl on the kitchen floor.

"Not even a full glass."

"...really?" Envy looked at him.

Greed nodded.

"Remind me never, ever to give her alcohol. Even when she's of age." Envy picked up the girl, piggyback style and brought her upstairs.


End file.
